There is no such thing as “other people’s trauma”

Death. Abandonment. Loss.

Grief. Despair. Trauma.

With the horrific plane crash that killed Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others this weekend, as humanity we mourn collectively. We mourn for the mother who lost her child and husband in the same day. Our minds reel, our hearts sink, we feel overwhelming sadness and we can’t think straight.

“Over someone I didn’t even know” we think to ourselves.

It looks like that on the surface.

The Truth? We are really grieving for ourselves.

When we hear of traumatic tragic loss, that deep part of ourselves that we hide away, the darkest part full of fear and loss and abandonment, it rises to the surface.

Our heart drops, tears may fall, but our OWN grief gets activated. And we ALL have it but rarely discuss it.

From the loss of our own family to death, or foster babies who have left us, to divorce or disownment, a miscarriage we told no one about ...we ALL have been abandoned.

We walk around all day pretending to be normal, stuffing down our pain, telling others we are “ok” yet our own feelings brushed aside because they are too painful to deal with.


Until it spills out in tears on our cheeks at the news of a helicopter crash in California. Until, a shooting rips through a school in another state. Until, we feel safe to let tears fall and our shoulders shake under the mask of another persons. if it is our own.

Because it is.

As a collective humanity we all grieve. Our sadness and loss intricately linked together by the bond of humanity. Just when the world seems too cold and too far removed from reality, grief binds us together.

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