I think back to the plan I had growing up after that fateful Thanksgiving day. To see my mother’s face light up with news she’ll be a grandmother and how tight I’d hug my husband once that pregnancy test came back positive were the moments I dreamed about. Holding my child in my arms for the first time, meeting the beautiful baby my husband and I created brought a longing I couldn’t wait to have.
Since our wedding day May 30th, 2009 we had a normal relationship with our share of struggles at the beginning. Building a family wasn’t a priority at the time. I was finishing college at CSU- Pueblo, John attended Pikes Peak Community college and we worked full-time, low paying jobs. After two years, our relationship grew and our financial situation stabilized.
We were ready to start a family.
Trying to conceive wasn’t an involved effort at first. We figured getting pregnant would happen as we lived our lives and continued to grow as a couple. A year of ‘let’s just see what happens’ mentality passed with no results. We sat down and figured we’d have to try a little harder. We researched tips on how to conceive and learned about ovulation times, tracking my cycle, we bought ovulation kits and hoped for the best. Each month was met with disappointment and confusion.
Were we doing something wrong? Were we healthy enough to have a baby? I read articles about how perfect the moment has to be. Everything has to be working just right for conception to occur. My temperature could be off, my ovulation window could be missed, and maybe I lacked the proper nutrients my body needed to become pregnant. I took prenatal vitamins, ate healthy and kept active.
There were a few months where I was late, and we had that jolt of eagerness that maybe it finally happened. Each time the pregnancy test came back negative and we were back to square one. I remember that last month when the test came back negative the two of us looked at each other in silence. Our options were dwindling and after two years of trying, we knew our failure to conceive was more than just bad luck.
Something was wrong...